Do you share your home with a Mexican Hairless Dog, English Pointer, Greyhound or Pug?
Have you ever stopped to think what that might say about you?
VeryRealVet here, to make it all clear.
The Mexican Hairless Dog
Dude, what’s wrong with your dog? Nothing, he’s a xoloitzcuintle. I’m sorry, he’s a what?
Xolo folk are excellent at spelling, and organised to a tee. They rarely leave the house without sunscreen, even on a mild day in May. Much like their pet, the xolo’s owner is an emotionally sensitive sort, and prefers the company of others over solitude.
They are a keen fan of cultural appropriation, make a mean mole (“it’s pronounced mo-LAY”), and will never fail to remember to celebrate the day of the dead. They have ironically never actually been to Mexico.
Fun fact: the xoloitzcuintle is the only dog breed beginning with ‘x’ on the Kennel Club’s breed info page (here: https://www.thekennelclub.org.uk/search/breeds-a-to-z/ )
Bonus fun fact: only 10% of xoloitzcuintle owners can actually spell xoloitzcuintle.
The English Pointer
Squirrel! Pointers never miss a trick, and nor do their keepers. Designed for endurance and speed, the outdoorsy pointer loves nothing more than SQUIRREL!
Equally at home in front of a log fire at their Master’s feet, the pointer is the ideal companion for the young and vivacious, as plenty of energy and an adventurous mindset is required to ensure that SQUIRREL!
The pointer’s human parents are likely a youngish couple, bachelor or bachelorette, who grew up in the countryside and are not afraid to SQUIRREL!
Down to earth and with a wicked sense of humour, these individuals are most likely employed in a traditional craft; butcher, baker or candlestick maker. They are also my “most likely to own a taxidermied head”, and to drive a land rover.
Are you even a greyhound if you don’t have the ex-racer ear tattoo to prove it? These gentle and nimble barrel-chested giants are at least 80% legs.
The other 20% is tremble. Greyhound parents are affable, jolly sorts, instantly likable and with excellent taste, exemplified by the jaunty collar and raincoat their pet is wearing. What do you mean it isn’t even cold? Can’t you see he’s trembling?
Greyhound owners are realistic about the limitations of their chosen breed. They understand the impossibility of keeping small furries (hamsters are a no), and are well versed in the difficulties of Sitting Down. They are also – thankfully – usually acutely aware of the danger their pet poses to unsuspecting bypassers when in turbo mode. Greyhound Mums and Dads are my top pick for “greatest need to take out vehicle insurance on their pet”.
Pugs are people-pleasers by nature, and adapt readily to whatever life throws at them with admirable stoicism and positivity. Sadly, these traits are often not shared by their owners, who tend to be prone to somewhat dramatic swings of emotion, particularly when faced with their vet bills.
Happily, these mood swings are forgivable, as pug people are also often exceedingly likable, with a wicked sense of humour. Pug people tend to prefer the more leisurely pursuits on offer in life, having chosen a breed that reflects this love for inactivity. Pug owners are also (by necessity) particularly sound sleepers.
The That’s Not A Dog
It is, in fact, a cat on a leash. No, being part Bengal does not make him a dog. He does not enjoy being strapped to your board whilst you surf, and please remove that bandana from around his neck before someone gets hurt.
And no madam, you cannot bring him into Nando’s. I don’t care if he’s an emotional support cat. It’s a chicken restaurant.
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