Are you the proud parent of a Cockapoo, Shih Tzu, Jack Russel Terrier, XL Bulldog or Border Collie?
And have you every wondered what your choice of dog breed might say about you?
Have no fear – the very real vet is here.
This curly-haired gundog-utility mix is friendly, outgoing, at times overbearing, and secretly quite high-maintenance…much like his typical owner, who probably retired early to a seaside village, and has a second home in the South of France. The cockapoo is unashamedly middle-class.
Often favoured by those with sensitive skin, these hypoallergenic cuties ironically suffer frequently with allergies. Also prone to ear problems, Cockapoos come in at number three on my list of “most important breeds to have lifetime health insurance for”.
The Shih Tzu
Ah, how adorable Henry was when we picked him up at eight weeks, our mop-headed little teddy bear! And what a little Shih he is now! The gargantuan personality of these teeny Lords and Ladies, equal parts stubbornness and sass, is often unexpected by all but their owners, who over time have become well familiarised with the quirks of life in servitude of a Shih Tzu.
The typical Shih Tzu owner will spend their days cooking michelin grade meals of organic chicken, purple sweet potatoes, and salmon oil, because obviously Poppet wouldn’t dream of touching dog food. Well, we wouldn’t eat it, so why should he?
The Jack Russell Terrier
Defend your knees, gentlemen. The JRT has arrived.
Originally a fox hunting dog, the highly intelligent Jack Russell Terrier must find new ways to pass his time within the polite confines of modern day society. Often, this involves chasing much larger creatures at any given opportunity, and of course ensuring that any unsuspecting civilians passing by the house are given a royal fright with a good hearty round of RURUUURUUUU-ing!
Entirely unperturbed by the presence of much larger beasts, these tiny terrorists make a fantastic stable dog and are a firm favourite with thirty-something female horse enthusiasts. I rate JRT owners as being most likely to also own a pony, and to be wearing a gilet.
The XL Bulldog (“XL Bully”)
In my experience as a veterinarian, these giants fall into one of two categories: the very sweet, and the slightly scary.
Typically rippling with muscles and not dissimilar to a young Arnold Schwarzenneger, bullys love to mess around, but are certainly not to be messed with…their owners are the same. If you own one of these magnificent beasts, you likely take pride in your appearance, and probably earn a decent living, as they are perhaps the most expensive dog breed that exists (earning a firm number one on my list of “most important breeds to have lifetime health insurance for”).
Chances are you also raw feed, supplement your bully’s daily diet with CBD oil, and enjoy the odd spliff of a weekend. You may or may not vaccinate your kids.
The Border Collie
Originally almost exclusively a farm dog, in recent years the collie has enjoyed increasing popularity as a household companion…with mixed results. All collie owners will know the woes of fox poo footprints on the bedcovers; the repeated destruction of sofa cushions; and the unfathomable and inevitable herding of other pets and of small children.
Luckily, collie owners tend to be a relatively relaxed, accepting and outdoorsy type, and typically adjust to life with their monochrome companion by accepting that cushions must be considered to be disposable.
I vote collie owners as being most likely to belong to a fell runner’s group, and to advocate for all-weather camping as an adventure, as oppose to sadism. Like their owners, collies are intelligent and single-minded individuals who pay little heed to the less sharp-witted beings around them…unless of course, they can be herded.
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